So, I can’t help it. I take it really personally when people defriend me. I figure it’s something I did, or said. I figure it means I’m not good enough. I don’t ever take into consideration divergent interests, or whatever, because that’s not how I function.

Today I saw that someone had stopped watching the “She’s Losing It” community (yes, I actually keep track of that shit), and it broke my heart a little. Seriously, people, this is how I walk around. I am a bundle of raw nerves. I don’t know how I make it in this world, I really don’t. I mean, 73 people are still watching it, but that ONE person is going to get my attention for a little while. Because I’m lame like that.

Gawker is using Perez Hilton as a source, but I don't care because if it's true, if, indeed, SHANNON DOHERTY returns appears in this new version of 90210? You will not be able to pry me from my television set. SWEET.

--

Hi, how are you? Work is busy. I haven't written in two days, I'm such a slob.

--

I did watch, again, episode 3 of The Middleman. There are SO many throw-away lines in this show. Like, when that sweet guy Wendy meets up again with (what's his name? the kid that ends up working at the pirate themed restaurant with scantily clad waitresses?) That Guy and he tells her about how ( I don't know if this is a spoiler, whatever ) I mean, the fact that the people writing this show KNOW THAT is fucking awesome. And there are so many other examples of that. This show is made of total win.

--

random_flores posted this to her journal, saying how it made her cry. And I was, like, what? It won't make me cry! Ahem. Yes, it really made me cry. Like, tears down my cheeks.


( Seriously. )

To do:
1. renew AAA
2. send in dog license renewal fees
3. finish ch. 13B of "She's Losing It"

Writing to do (things I'd like to get done by the end of summer):
1. "She's Losing It"
2. femslash08 assignment; PRIORITY!
3. Big Love fic (already started)
4. S/L epic

--

UGH. Work is busy.

--

The Middleman is made of awesomesauce. It's a geek's wet dream, isn't it? I mean, all the references! [I'm still (internally) chuckling @ Frank Herbert Elementary School.] I love the banter, I love the silliness, I love pretty much everything so far. Um, Wendy/Lacey, FTW.

Of course I'm femslashing this show. I'm ME. :P

--

Getting out early on Thursday, and I'm taking Monday off. Nice four day weekend. *smiles lazily in anticipation*

--

Oh, AND

( Lindsay Ronson, making my day a little brighter, IDK; And, yes, those are PANTS )

Sweet Talkin' Woman
RPS; S/L; 1147 words
"She’s been away. No more than a couple of days, but the time starts to eat away at her, to chip away at the foundation they’ve built."

Possibly She Likes The Thrill
Georgia Rule; Rachel/Jack; 6945 words
"Rachel meets Jack for the first time twice."

Better Than What Came Before
RPS; S/L; 1919 words
"The dress...is draped haphazardly across the back of a chair."

So Much More Than That
Mean Girls; Regina/Cady; 3850 words
"And she missed Cady Heron. She missed her and blamed her for everything."

And I added 2 1/2 chapters to sheslosingit_sa.

--

In looking at my output, I really did branch out this month. I tried a couple of new things, which is nice. For some reason, I thought I'd written more, but no. LOL

Ah, Monday. *shakes fist* [In response, I bring three large images to this post.]

--

I wanted to have the second half of sheslosingit_sa's chapter 13 done today, but then I realized this part is kind of pivotal. I knew I had to do this one thing, but it just dawned on me that I have to do it now because I've only got two more chapters in Part I of the story. So, yeah. *thinky*

--

I posted Mean Girls fic last night, So Much More Than That (Regina/Cady). That was WAY fun to write. And, look, tarebear23 was kind enough to make me something for it!

( Lookit the pretty!! )

I'm so grateful, thank you tarebear23! :)

--

( The cast of Gossip Girl is really pretty )

--

And now, the obligatory Lindsay Ronson. And, HAND HOLDING. I know, I'm ridiculous, okay? HAND HOLDING gets me in the chestal area, it's so friggin' sweet.

( With the touching of the hands; remember when I just wanted them to walk *next to each other*? )

"So Much More Than That" by Jengrrrl
[Mean Girls, Regina/Cady]
"And she missed Cady Heron. She missed her and blamed her for everything."
3,850 words

( So Much More Than That )

And because it is, I've updated sheslosingit_sa. Part B tomorrow. Possibly Monday. Hopefully tomorrow.

:P

Things:

1. My neck feels better.
2. But I didn't really get any writing done last night, so the SLI update won't come until very late tonight.
3. I need to go to Home Depot. I need to finish cleaning.
4. I got new Chucks. Low top, charcoal. Both a big deal because I haven't worn non-high top, black Chucks since forever. They've been my sneaker of choice since I was a freshman in high school. So, a while. But, anyway, they're cute. Nothing like a fresh pair of Chucks to break in.
5. I caught a few minute of The Godfather III last night. It was on tv. Damn, that was awful and, worse, boring. Sofia Coppola? NEVER ACT AGAIN.
6. While I was watching tv late last night, as I was flipping channels, I came across some of that Skinemax soft core porn. I watched for a couple of minutes thinking, "This is why I don't like porn." I'm not judgmental about it, I just can't get into it. Maybe I'm just such a girl, but I'm into the feelings. I like reading about the anticipation, the thrill. Watching random people getting it on onscreen makes me feel dirty. And, most importantly, not turned on.

I don't know where this list comes from. WHATEVER.

( 100 books; what I've read in bold )

So, I'm blithely trudging along on my Big Love fic (up to a decent 769; fine for a couple of days' worth of work), when I thought I'd take a little break and hey, why not Mean Girls fic? And, so, I started that. *headdesk*

--

FRIDAY

I have a four day weekend for the Fourth. YES.

--

I still can't really turn my head. It hurts so much, guys. YUCK.

--

There was great thing on, Radar, I think, that listed the gayest robots. Hold on... *looks* Oh, yes, it's called "I 'mobot." LOLZ Anyway, it's here and, wow, I didn't realize how many robots were so gay. ALTHOUGH, I'm glad they brought up Short Circuit, because I've been thinking about that lately, and how much the WALL-E robot looks like Number 5.

ALSO from Radar, a MadLibs style thing that creates a This American Life type narration. MINE:

Act 1: Jennifer, an expatriate Writer and regular This American Life contributor, finds out she has Cancer when he's about to go on a road trip to Alhambra. She takes the road trip anyway.

Act 2: Ira talks about chewing when he was a kid, and how the experience taught him the importance of persevering. Years later, this lesson comes in handy, as it figures prominently in a commencement speech he gives at Princeton.

Act 3: When a crew of janitors who are also practicing Branch Davidians find out that refugees from Guatemala have been forced to settle in their hometown of Amarillo, Texas, they decide to buck the trends and bring them into the small-town fold. Cross-cultural understanding blooms in unexpected ways, as the two groups meet nightly in the local Jack in the Box to discuss a shared love for Growing Pains reruns.

Finally, Act 4: Ira talks to Lilah, who was raised as an orthodox Jew and who made a pivotal break with her faith at a Sacramento Kings game.

LOVE

--

Um. FRIDAY.

Very early things:

I woke up and couldn't lift my head, the back of my neck hurt so badly. I swear I heard something crack! Anyway, this could be my body's way of telling me, a few days after I turned thirty, that I'm OLD. *hates*

--

My boss isn't in, my boss's underling isn't in, so I'M boss for the day. Kinda. Anyway, more shit for me to do. *grumbles*

--

Sometimes, after I've done quite a bit of writing I want to do MORE writing. Sometimes I reread what I've just written compulsively, trying to see what other people see, and HATE IT. I am, most unfortunately, in that latter camp right now. *snerk*

--

I need shoes. *stomps on Piperlime*

--

I need to read Irène Némirovsky's Suite française for book club. Anyone read it? Good?

Um, out of nowhere, I started writing Sarah/Heather.

Also, also? Amanda Seyfried's purty, y'all.






... Okay, good night.

Things about hump day:

1. Last night I posted fic. Better Than What Came Before (S/L, adult). Inspired almost entirely by the Cat Power version of "I Found A Reason." God, that song gets me in the chestal region. And the way she sings it... I really love her.

2. Today I decided why not restart my Mathilda drabbles series? Each part is only 100 words, and I've had a lot of fun writing it in the past. So. *shrugs*

( 3. My lust object of the day is, surprisingly, not named Lindsay or Ronson, no. )

I don't even. He can be outfitted whichever way, and I find him ungodly hot. UNGODLY. OH HAI CHUCK BASS.

4. Did you know Red Bull has like +200% of your daily B6 (and B12)? !! Samantha Ronson must be made up entirely of vitamins B6, 12 and tobacco smoke.

5. SLI update Saturday. I'm aiming for Friday, but I'm thinking it'll probably happen Saturday.

6. I need to seriously start thinking about what I'm going to write for femslash08. I know what fandom I'm writing, I just really, really need to think about the story, and I need to get to it because I only have two weeks or so to write something substantial.

Read the previous entries here.

--

“Mathilda!”

She wakes up screaming, forearm covering her face, fending off unknown danger.

Curled up on the couch, pillow between her legs and gun on the coffee table, inches from her extended arm, she sobs roughly. Coughs.

“Employment hazard?” Julian asks grimly.

Mathilda shrugs, wipes her nose with her shirt. “Sorry.”

“I was up.”

She looks up to find his gaze impenetrable. “Can’t sleep?”

“I think you’ll understand I’m finding it…difficult.”

“Nothing’s going to happen to you. I’m better than an army.”

“Clearly.”

Lifting her gun, she silently dares him not to see what she is. What she can do.

"Better Than What Came Before" by Jengrrrl
[Original; S/L; adult]
"The dress...is draped haphazardly across the back of a chair."
1,919 words


(  Better Than What Came Before )

( OMG HOT; No, REALLY. )

It's the shirt. I have a thing for black collared shirts. I own a few myself, and I think they're sexy for some godforsaken reason.

Last night I read some Rilke, skimmed a few short stories in this compilation I have called You’ve Got to Read This (short story writers recommend stories they love), plugged the iPod into the stereo and grooved to Cat Power’s “The Covers Record” and some Ray LaMontagne, and totally got started on a sexy time S/L. [Hand-written, even!] I haven’t really written stories in which I focus on sexy time with S/L (there usually is sexy time, but it mostly happens “off-camera,” as it were. But this is all about the sexy time. I don’t feel badly about it; at this point “S” and “L” are my characters anyway.

I have thoughts, too, about an S/L AU based on Vertigo, ‘cause I’m totally retarded like that. No, NO. Notorious! GEEZ.

ETA: 950 words of pure seduction, ladies and gent(s). Nice.

George Carlin. :(

--

Wow, thanks guys, for all the birthday well-wishes! I feel loved! ;)

Things:

1. It's been over a week and I really need to crank out another chapter of SLI. I'm kind of excited about it. I also desperately want to write more S/L. It's been a while, so hopefully within the next few days I can get something done. I have to admit, someone posted one of those loathsome paparazzi videos over at lindsay_sam in which Lindsay says, for some reason, "I'll remember that, Ms. Ronson" and I found it weirdly adorable and hot. I love them.

2. Yesterday devolved into something weird. I don't know. Not the best birthday I've ever had, that's for sure. I mean, I'm kind of bummed, but whatever.

3. In front of me in line to get coffee this morning, a really hot Sheriff's Department Officer lady. Like, really hot. She was pretty young, not a lot of makeup on, if any, and ... Look, I'm not into uniforms, or I don't think I am, but for whatever reason, whenever I'm next to a policeman or woman, and they're mildly attractive? The uniform kind of pushes me over the edge. It's STRANGE. But, anyway, this chick was really hot, was my point. Which is no point at all, I reckon.

4. I need to clean my office.

5. I spent a couple of Borders gift cards I got for my b-day on the new David Sedaris book and on the first two volumes of Buffy season 8. Yay.

6. I'm starting up my original YA soon, so if you're on the filter, you'll no doubt get something within the month.

7. Nothing more. Today's just Monday blahs and the heat and my age aren't helping matters. ROTFL

( SO HAPPY SHINY GIRL COUPLE )

IDK, IDK. Smiley Lindsay (she's actually looking kind of adoringly at her BFF) and summer-hat wearing Sam.

( Cut for bigness and AWESOMENESS )

There are freckles. SO MANY FRECKLES! Anyway, I love it.

--

Things:

1. Last night I watched Lars and the Real Girl and REALLY enjoyed it.

2. This morning I got woken up for happy times, which was very nice, but after I went back to sleep I had a NIGHTMARE, yo. Like, a bad nightmare, with crazy psycho people chasing me in this art-deco mansion. Three of them! At one point one of them is in a glass cage, and they're doing stuff to her brain, and she was STARING at me so fucking creepily with her creepy green eyes. At the end, all three were chasing me and I got rid of one by throwing this bunny I ran across. It was a white bunny and when I saw it near my feet I immediately recognized it for what it was and hurled it. It promptly ate the guy's face off. (Holy Grail allusions in my dreams, yes). After that, I just kept throwing shit at the other two. Fireplace pokers and stuff, you know. Really ineffectual, clearly. I mean, you know how you can't really run in dreams? At least I can't. It always feels like I'm swimming. Anyway. It was obvious bad things were going to happen to me, which is probably why I woke up. I was really happy to wake up. [This very cogent explanation of a not so cogent dream brought to you by my five year old self. Can you say, Can't Tell A Story?]

3. I posted fic last night. And some of you have read it! It made me really, really happy, because as I was writing it I thought, 'You know, Jen, no one's going to actually read this. It's Georgia Rule fic.' But people have! YAY!!

4. I received an unexpected happy birthday wish from someone I haven't talked to in a while and it made me smile. Sometimes people drift apart, but it doesn't mean they don't mean something to each other.